Last night I cut my dose of Trilptal in half, from 300 mgs each night to 150. My doctor still doesn’t know that I cut it from 600 to 300 in March. I cut it down further because of the return of the “swaying” a few days ago. I plan to get off Trileptal in a few days, or maybe week. I don’t see any point in taking 150 mgs, because that I know of, it is not a therapeutic dose. I could be wrong about this. Don’t take my word for it. I feel okay about this because I am also on two other anticonvulsants, Lamictal and Topamax. I take all these three medications for mood stabilization. They also help me with bingeing (that is, an eating binge). I found that the Trileptal lost its anti-binge properties after maybe six weeks after I started taking it, though initially it was quite effective. Mood stabilizers are the only medication that help me with bingeing.
Right now, I am working on not bingeing by behavior techniques, and my special friend Frank has been very supportive and helpful to me. We have hopes that I can stop bingeing, at least for a long, long time. After I have not binged for 21 days, we are going to have a binge party! We are going to binge together–on nothing! We are so excited about this celebration! Of course, I have no clue as to whether I will be able to do 21 days, so we are taking it one day at a time. I am celebrating x days today. This morning, I am listening to a Daughtry CD that I borrowed from the library, and celebrating. I have never heard Daughtry before, because I don’t listen to the radio, but I understand he’s quite popular these days.
I will probably not keep you posted on my progress. It will be too embarrassing if I screw up.
Today I will meet my case manager from the Department of Mental Health for the first time. This will be mainly yet another intake meeting–the third. We are meeting with the director at my home.
After that, I am seeing an orthopedist about my knee. It is time. It’s been three weeks now that I have not been able to walk 1) without pain, and 2) without a mobility aid (crutches or cane). Frequently, I have pain even when I am off my feet. I have spent little time outside my home. I have been miserable because of this injury. I can no longer do this alone. I need specialized, professional help with it. I got an appointment very quickly.
As to my anorexia…I am still restricting…eating mostly vegetables….My weight is dropping…again….
I still have edema and I hate it. But it is lessening. Today I said to myself, “Fuck it. It is going to be hot out. I’m wearing shorts.”
I have developed these incredible upper body muscles from using crutches. Forgive me for boasting, but last time I was at the gym, I was nearly able to lift my entire body off the floor using the triceps pull. My muscles are larger now (muscles really show when you are very skinny) and I am absolutely positive that I can lift myself off the floor entirely now. Next time, I’ll give it a try when nobody’s looking. Of course, I’ll take the pin out of the resistance thingy after I’m done!
I still get vertigo. I get it about 75% of the time–that is, I get it ten minutes after the first morsel of food I put in my mouth in the morning, and it lasts for several hours, 75% of days. There seems to be no pattern. On Sunday, it lasted all day. I swear I am not making this up. I know it comes from my anorexia.
I have been keeping Microsoft Excel charts of my food. I have been doing this obsessively. I spend hours at it. I print them out at the end of the day. These are secret charts that I plan on showing no one. I think the only good thing about it is that I am learning Excel! More on this later. I intend on writing an entire entry discussing these charts.
Okay, enough. Have a nice day.