I am currently hospitalized in a local hospital. The police took me away Friday. I do not have much time at this computer, so this is going to have to be brief. I was “sectioned,” so I was basically forced to the emergency room whether I wanted to go or not, and admitted. I was held at the emergency room with a security guard watching over me for over 24 hours waiting for a Medicaid bed to open up at the hospital.
I continue to write in the It Notebook. I was not allowed access to my pencils while in the ER. I guess they thought I was going to stab myself with one of them. So they gave me a pointless pencil. I did have some paper and my clipboard, though. So I wrote with the pointless pencil. I kept note of everything that happened to me, and my thoughts and feelings about everything. I wrote and wrote. I continued to write once I got to this unit.
My sadness has been very intense. Last night my sadness was so bad that I thought I would drop dead from it. I held my head. I thought it would burst open. I wanted to cry out, but I did not. Instead, I paced around the unit. I was the last to go to bed and the first up in the morning. I have no desire to sleep or eat or drink. I feel that there is no life left for me and no reason to go on.
Maybe they will help me here. They say they will. They say I did the right thing by coming here. Well, I had no choice. I had no choice, so I came and I am here. They let me use the computer so here I am.
Here I am, world.