Today I unlocked the Feelings Box and opened it wide. I dared to do this because I knew there were not very many feelings stored in it to begin with. For a long time, I didn’t feel very many feelings. So I didn’t have many feelings to put into the box, anyway.
Now, I feel many feelings. I have a rush of them. Sometimes, I wake up in the night with feelings. Sometimes, I cry and cry until my nose bleeds. I cry on the bus all the time. I cry because I feel feelings now. They are good feelings and bad feelings. Mostly, I feel sadness. Mostly, I grieve.
It is a good thing that I feel my feelings now. Or I guess it is. I’m told that it’s better to have sad feelings than to have no feelings at all.
So I opened the box wide, and took out the ribbon that is inside the box. It is a “Puzzle” ribbon. It has puzzle pieces printed on it. I don’t know what that means, except that I love my dog, I guess. I took the ribbon out of the box. It didn’t feel like it really symbolized anything in particular. It was just a piece of ribbon with puzzle pieces on it.
I didn’t feel anything when I opened the box. I think the feelings that were in the box were so tiny and weak that they didn’t even compare to the enormous feelings that I feel now.
I put the ribbon back into the box, closed it, and locked it up. I guess the tiny feelings went off somewhere. I don’t care where they went.
Usually, I forget to carry tissues with me on the bus, and when I cry, I have to wipe my eyes and nose with my sleeve. Sometimes, my tears get all over my glasses. I don’t cry on the subway. Subways suck for crying. Trust me, I’ve tried it already. I know.