A Letter to My Friend, Never Sent

Open your hand and catch the joy I am sending to you now
It is attached to this e-mail
Catch the joy and hold it to your heart

Hold it in your heart and feel the rush in your body
Hold it in your heart and feel what I feel for you
Hold it, and know I am here for you

I am here for you and I told you so in an e-mail
You did not write back
So I held that thought in my head and my fingertips

I walked to Watertown Square and back three times
Just a skinny girl running errands
It is my nature–our nature–to be foolish

And while walking, very fast
Some rude guy said to me
“Watch where you’re going, Lady!”

Yes, I’m watching where I’m going
I’m watching myself become strong again
I’m feeling it in my body and mind and heart

You see, the snow is starting to melt
The sidewalks are clearing
I listened to music and broke into a run

Because we are so cold and hungry
I am sending you a seat by the fire
I am seated beside you

You have told me that to nurture you
I must nurture myself first
But what I cannot do for myself I do for you

Because it is our nature not to save ourselves
For our own sake, but perhaps we will do it
For another, at first, and then for ourselves

For you, I will climb a tall fir, and harvest the sap
And spread the sticky stuff upon my hands
So that I can stick to you more firmly

For you, I will tie great snakes in knots
So that they will not harm you
And pull all hundred legs from every centipede

For you, I will run, too
I will run all the way to the airport
And then, on the plane, watch Boston disappear

Yes, I’m crazy, you’re crazy, too
Everyone will think I’m nuts–or maybe they’ll know
They’ll know…why….

I will crash though your door
Wood splinters flying everywhere
Run up the stairs to your room if that’s what it takes

If that’s what it takes to heal
I love your shirt, your strong hands, your hair
Everything about you

If it comes to this
Then it is real, and necessary, and right
Because we are real, and necessary, and right

If it comes to this
I will do anything
If that’s what it takes to heal.

 

 

 

 

 

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