The McLean Papers 1/9/2011

I’m skipping 1/8 (which happens to be my birthday).


I’m scared and worried about food and my body
Worried that I’m being spied on
Worried that people are watching me eat
Worried about cameras focused on me–eating
I don’t like the comments about my thinness
Now that I act okay that staff ignore me
And don’t ask me anything
The nurse I checked in with last night
Didn’t even know I have an eating disorder
I am terrified
I feel like I am a criminal avoiding some weird law enforcement
I do feel that the staff are trying to help me
But are completely unaware
Of the fact that I am being watched
No one else is being watched
I sit in the dining room
Hiding and not hiding
Trying to look okay and normal
Having trouble breathing in here
This is unreal
Ten I will call my friend and feel okay for a little while
I feel okay in the little booth  at the end of the hall.


Feedback and comments welcome!