The It Notebook: Monday, January 31, 2011

My Continuing Adventures With It

Monday, January 31, 2011

L is right.  I am focused on my illness all the time.  That is…what did I say to my T, when she first asked me about my eating disorder?

IT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE

So true.

Noon-12:20 ended because I fell asleep.

By the way, being focused on my illness–do I really have a choice right now?

I tried the “Puzzle Cure” firth thing after her walk but…eventually…discovered that I am only capable of Intensive Petting while experiencing It.  So, unfortunately, this may only work as PRN until I learn how to do this ALL of the time and not just as PRN.

It came at noon and I began Intensive Petting at 12:10.  After 10 minutes, It was still there, but I became overwhelmed with fatigue.  I set the alarm for 20 minutes later.  It did ring, that I know of, but I slept through it until 1:50, not 12:40.

It held off till 3:30.  Began Intensive Petting @ 3:45 for 1/2 hour with my eyes closed for most of the time and it didn’t work.  But I wonder if I am able to converse during Intensive Petting?  How am I going to find out?  Perhaps, when It is first beginning, ask L to phone me in maybe 1/2 hour.  I will, of course, explain this to her ahead of time.  Still, I am convinced that therapy will be a LOT more productive, even if my experiment with L fails, if Puzzle is allowed to come to my therapy sessions.  (How to transport her there???)  Another idea: Try speaking to Puzzle while petting her and see what happens.

It ended at 5:30 and then another one immediately started up.

How to transport Puzzle to therapy:

The Ride will only transport  service animals.  Probably this is the case with Medicaid cabs, but as for the latter, will a call the Medicaid from my T or Dr. P and a Dr’s note make Puzzle transport possible?  I need Medicaid cabs anyway.

The Result of the Puzzle Experiment:  I tried conversing with Puzzle while petting her during a time that I was experiencing It.  I find that Puzzle, although she doesn’t get me out of It, helps me organize my thoughts while I pet her.  I tried, at first, saying whatever came into my head first: Puzzle, I love you.  I said it again and again.  The words came to me fairly easily so I tried other things.  I was almost, but not entirely, positive that I was making sense.  I have no recollection of what we discussed.

Then, I had an idea.  I had to leave my T a message regarding our appointment time.  I gave it a try.  The phone was within reach, but my arm froze and I could not pick up the phone. I dialed her number and tried to leave the message, but although I was still petting Puzzle, the spell seemed to be broken.  I have speculated on the many reasons as to why this happened, but can’t exactly put a finger on it.

Feedback and comments welcome!