I have been friends with Frank for a month now. Last night we made a pact. We are going to eat.
Frank has been a special friend to me. We met on an anorexia board. He posted there and then maybe a couple of weeks after the discussion (that he initiated) ended, I contacted him and asked him how he was doing. To my surprise, he wrote back. We have been corresponding, and subsequently Skyping (Skype is videoconferencing) for several hours a day ever since.
I have never been so close to another person with anorexia before. I have only known other anorexics from a distance, in ED groups. Nor have I ever known a man with anorexia before. Nor have I had a male friend for a long, long, long time. It has been years, in fact.
I wrote: I just realized this last night, very suddenly: I am now restricting less. It is not happening every day, but it is an overall tendency. I have stopped losing weight as of the first week of September. You know, I think it has to do with knowing Frank and being close to him.
I wrote: This was not conscious or deliberate. It just happened. I told my friend last night. It was 9pm and she had just arrived home from some coffee shop with her husband. She was skeptical and wondered how long my good fortune would last.
I wrote: Frank and I are having pizza together tomorrow night, via skype. He is having one of those microwave single-serve pizzas and I am going to make pizza for myself. It is kind of a deal we made.
I wrote: Would I make the trade? I have gained one pound. It was worth gaining one pound just for him. I can give up that much. Just for gaining the reward of being close to him and having him for a friend. That’s how I see it.
We’re in this together. We’re taking the plunge. And I don’t want to die anymore.
My wonderful new book, This Hunger Is Secret: My Journeys Through Mental Illness and Wellness is now available from Chipmunkapublishing–click here to access. To read more about it at my home site, click here.