The latest

Now my therapist says that she and Dr P are going to set a time limit on me.  If I don’t gain weight or go into a “program” within a certain amount of time, they will stop seeing me.

I have no intentions of gaining weight or going into any program, ever.

This means my time with them is limited.  Maybe a few months more.  And then I won’t have a treatment team anymore.

I didn’t realize there was a size requirement for treatment.

This sucks.  How is this helpful for me?  How does taking away treatment help me?  I don’t see the point.

I have been with Dr P since 2001.  Eight years.  I have been with my therapist since last October or so.   I may have my disagreements with them, but I’m fond of both of them.

I told my therapist that I have no intentions of gaining weight or going to a reverse fat farm (I didn’t put it that way) and that it will be very sad to say goodbye to her.

What a waste.  What a waste of a relationship.  I got along with them just fine and now they want to end it.  It is their idea to end it, not mine.

I have support from my friends, which is a good thing, but over the past year I have grown to also trust my therapist.  I thought that she would always be there for me.  I guess I was wrong.  I guess I shouldn’t have trusted her.  I guess I shouldn’t have let myself depend on her.  I don’t think I can trust another mental health professional after this.  This is the worst betrayal.

I guess the very idea that she would drop me, even though she hasn’t dropped me yet, is a disappointment to me.  It is like she is testing me.  It is like they are trying to make me worse by denying me treatment so that I will go into a hospital.

I have been stable for a long time.  I have been happy for a long time.  Nothing has gone wrong with me in the psychiatric sense for a long, long time.  And by denying me treatment, they are going to upset that balance.  Why are they trying to hurt me?

This is a lovely Christmas present.

Feedback and comments welcome!