There are two inner “me’s” I am dealing with:
The first: My refusal to eat makes this “me” powerful, gives me control, keeps me at the steering wheel. I can deny hunger! I can deny nature! I can deny my body itself!
The second: This “me” wants to be little, to fade away, be sick and shrivel and die.
This contradiction keeps the inner rat running on its exercise wheel. No wonder I am burnt out. No wonder I can’t concentrate. No wonder I am confused.
The real me is fighting off these inner demons, and it’s not easy.
I really need help with this.