Anorexia dissected

There are two inner “me’s” I am dealing with:

The first: My refusal to eat makes this “me” powerful, gives me control, keeps me at the steering wheel.  I can deny hunger!  I can deny nature!  I can deny my body itself!

The second: This “me” wants to be little, to fade away, be sick and shrivel and die.

This contradiction keeps the inner rat running on its exercise wheel.  No wonder I am burnt out.  No wonder I can’t concentrate.  No wonder I am confused.

The real me is fighting off these inner demons, and it’s not easy.

I really need help with this.

Feedback and comments welcome!