After the doctor’s

As it turned out yesterday, it wasn’t Dr K who weighed me, as she was called away to one of the units.  Dr S weighed me.  He did things a little differently.  He didn’t even ask me to remove my jacket or take anything out of my pockets!  So I weighed (I checked this on my scale when I got home) 1.2 pounds less than I would have weighed if Dr K had weighed me.

Now, I thought this was just grand–at first.  I thought I’d gotten myself off the hook somehow.  So I was basking in this for a while, and then I realized this: according to Dr S, I’d lost 7-1/2 pounds.  If Dr K had weighed me, it would have been 8-1/2.  Is there that much difference?  The point is, I lost a lot. And next time I’m weighed–there will be a next time–it will appear that I’ve lost even more.

Over whose eyes have I pulled the wool?  Who am I trying to kid?  I got home and didn’t eat.  I ate less yesterday than usual, and I’ve barely eaten today.  Why am I doing this to myself?  It is almost as if I am in a race against time.  Like something inside me desperately doesn’t want to make it to graduation–why?  In every way, I desperately do want to go to graduation, to do all the things that I plan to do while there.  I’ve done most of my packing already.  My thesis is due to be printed out by tomorrow at 7:30am.  I’ve purchased clothes for this occasion.  I’ve done all the preparations–now this!

How can I stop this madness?

Feedback and comments welcome!