With the exception of a few bits, everything seems to be falling into place. My creative thesis, titled:
This Hunger Is Secret: My Journeys Through Mental Illness and Wellness
has been accepted. I am done with the final paperwork of the semester. All that I must do now is to print out my thesis and accompanying documents for my binder and send them off to Port Townsend! I am sending them ahead of time, rather than transporting them in my suitcase. I figure it’s safer that way. If I get lost on the way over and end up in Texas, at least my thesis will be in the right place.
Then it’s on to the graduation residency in Port Townsend, Washington, where I will give the required graduation reading and–graduate! I fly out there on the 9th of July, and graduation is the 12th.
I mentioned that there are a “few bits,” or should I say, “bites.” My eating, or rather, lack thereof, is still a problem. I’d like to say there’s been an improvement, but really, there hasn’t been. At my last therapy session, I avoided the topic altogether. I am so afraid that my therapist will decide to hospitalize me. She has explained to me, in prior sessions, what the criteria are for hospitalizing people with eating disorders, and has told me that if I keep on doing what I’m doing, I won’t make it to graduation.
Baloney. I WILL graduate, and that’s all there is to it. I WILL be in Port Townsend on the 12th of July. I WILL give my graduation reading (probably on the 11th) and I WILL be very proud of myself.
I will probably be crying a whole lot that weekend. Why? Because I don’t want to leave school. I don’t want it to end. I want it to go on and on forever. If I had my way, I’d have my advisor forever, and I’d have assignments forever, and my classmates would be my classmates forever, and I’d keep coming back to residencies, and most importantly, there would always be this big goal–getting that thesis done–to work toward. Now that I’m “done” with it (no work is ever finished, only abandoned, as they say) I don’t have that big goal anymore to work toward, and I miss that. Sure, it feels mighty good to have it done, but now–now I guess I’m an MFA, but–
Anyway, it should be interesting to see how it feels to print out the massive document.