If you think you might have an eating disorder, but aren’t sure, go to this website and take this questionnaire.
I just did. I printed out the results. I’m not sure if I want to show the results to my therapist, though. It came out looking pretty scary to me.
I met with my therapist today instead of Friday, because she’s taking Friday off. I admitted a lot of stuff to her that I’m not sure I should have told her. It is the ED part of me that says I should lie to her and hide my concerns and fears. She tells me I’m playing with fire. She told me today that she would not hospitalize me, that if it came to that she would leave it up to Dr. P (my psychiatrist) and Dr. K (my primary care physician), which is a load off my mind. So I feel a bit more relaxed about going to see my therapist, and telling her stuff, knowing that she won’t lock me up for what I say.
I do sometimes read to my therapist little things that I write. She does not read my blog. This is an agreement we have. But I read her an entry on occasion, a glimpse.
I did not lose weight over the past week. I don’t know how I should feel about it. If I allow myself to feel frustrated, it feels like the most natural feeling I could have, yet I feel guilty and selfish to have this feeling. If I allow myself to feel relieved that I have maintained my weight, the ED me gets rather pissed off.
Goodnight. It’s past my bedtime.