Where I’ve been all this time

In case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been….

I’ve been revising my creative thesis.  I’ve been working at a terrific pace.  I get up at 4:45am and go to bed at 8:30pm.  I start writing at 8:20am and don’t stop until around 7:30pm.

I do get the housework done.

I haven’t exactly been remembering to eat.  But I am getting better at it.

Of course I take excellent care of Puzzle.  Or, rather, she takes excellent care of me.  She reminds me to take my meds.  Without her, I would surely forget.

I do keep my appointments.  I get enough sleep.  I am not manic.

For some reason, I seem to be able to keep up this pace.  Why?  Someone pinch me–this couldn’t be real!

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I worry about what will happen after school ends.  I worry that I’ll lose the drive, the motivation, to keep going.  I worry that I won’t have the support I need.  I am really, really scared that I will go downhill.  I worry that my mother will push me into getting a “job,” something for which I am not mentally equipped.  The structure of a “job” is a lot different from sitting and writing all day.  She has already said, “Julie, I hope that after you graduate, you will be accepted into a ‘position,'” meaning, a teaching position.  Horrors!  I can’t do that kind of teaching!  What I am thinking about is possibly getting a scholarship to go to one of those writers’ retreats or artists’ colonies for a couple of weeks at some point.  I have asked my advisor what she thinks about this idea.

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I am so afraid of getting lost in the world. But for now, everything is okay.  I have goals.  I have a project I am working on.  I have started a new book to work on after school ends.  That plus I’ll still be revising my current project.  If all else fails, I have a sweater for Puzzle that I’m making….

Feedback and comments welcome!