Excerpt

Many apologies if I’ve posted this in a previous entry!  But I think this is my first time posting this.  It’s from a chapter I call “Walking the Line.”


Concentrate on balance. I know it’s difficult because The Thing does everything he can to thwart my intentions. He lives in my head and tortures me whenever he damn pleases. Heel to toe, fuck it. Just stay upright. Concentrate on the yellow line. Try to make it to Mill Street. One foot in front of the other. Just walk while the cars swish by, on the right, on the left. Here’s the light.


Fuck damn, here’s security: Are you Julie Greene?


Yeah, whaddyou want?


We think you should come with us. What you’re doing is very dangerous.


It’s none of your business.


You’re on hospital property, ma’am.


Not for long. Step forward, keep walking onto Mill Street.


Your doctor wants us to pick you up and bring you to the psych ER. Come with us. You have no choice. We are hospital personnel, and you are on hospital property you are hospital property you are hospital property you are hospital property you are


The Thing.


Come on. Make things easier for all of us and cooperate now.


The Thing wants me to walk the line.


What thing? We want you to come with us. Just ignore your voices and step this way. That’s right. Just take Brian’s arm there. Keep your eyes open Ma’am.


What’s there to see what’s there to see The Thing wants them closed closed closed


Ma’am, you have to walk upright.


I can’t help it I got an Evil Spirit in my head that’s talking to me right now, okay? Fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn


The van is right over here, Ma’am. Please step into the van.


He told me he told me not to he told me


Please step into the van.


Damn fuck an Evil Spirit is in my brain and nobody cares! Fuck fuck fuck


Take her where? To the ER? Was her doctor going to meet her there? We can’t have people walking in traffic here. Give Rick a buzz. Ask him if we’re supposed to go on break after this. Could use a fresh cup of coffee right now.


Coffee coffee coffee coffee I want some can I have some? There’s Evil in my head called The Thing which is an Evil Spirit or something like that, coffee helps get him away from me


They have coffee at the ER, ma’am–


It’s fucking decaf! Oh my god you’re taking me here, you’re taking me here taking me


Step out of the van.


taking me to this place! The Thing will get worse and all they have is fucking decaf! I know this ER. I know them here. They’re a bunch of assholes and they think I’m lying about The Thing, they don’t believe The Thing exists, they think I’m making him up for godssakes, they think I’m playing games and I’m not! The Thing is real and he lives in my head! Motherfucker! motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker shut up now going up the stairs haven’t i been here a thousand times before a do they give a damn NO! Where’s my doctor? Where’s Dr. B? Where is he?


Motherfuckers behind the desk don’t give a shit about me. They just care about their overtime. At night, they sleep on the job. I’ve seen them. I know.


Where’s Dr. B?


Julie.


It’s Dr. H. I can’t stand that dude. Whaddyou want? He is good looking, though.


Do you want to go to the state hospital?


Oh, fuck you.


You used up all your insurance.


Like I didn’t know. Where’s Dr. B?


The Thing: Kill Dr. B. But The Thing doesn’t say how. They call it “command hallucinations” and The Thing is full of that bullshit. Walk the line in the middle of Mill Street. Walk the line in the middle of Trapelo Road. Set fires. Destroy, destroy, destroy myself. Even people I consider fucking supportive are losing faith in me; they’re backing off, getting cooler, like the weather.


Where’s Dr. B?


Do we have to take her vitals? She’s not here for an admit or eval. Might as well take them anyway. Take her vitals? Geesh, we need a peeds cuff for that skinny arm–Julie, don’t you eat? Julie, I’m talking to you.


The Thing’s talking to me.


I’m talking to you now. When was the last time you ate? We have meals here, you know.


I’m not eating any of that crap. It’s poison.


Her vitals are fine. Do you need the Quiet Room, Julie, or are you going to be okay in the hall?


Aw, man….


Don’t just sit there crying, answer my question!


….


Charlotte, Quiet Room for Julie, or no? Leave her. Okay, Julie, but if you’re going to pace, don’t pace in this area of the hall because you make all of us dizzy.


Step, step, step, step, left, right, left, turn!


Step step step


Julie not here!


I need my medicine! It’s time for my medicine!


You don’t have an order for medicine. You can get it when you leave.


It’s time! Don’t just ignore me! It’s time for my medicine! Where’s Dr. B?


Julie, I want you to go into that room over there, and lie down. Just do as I say. Just go in there now. Can you be safe in there? Do I need to take anything away from you? Any jewelry or anything? Are you wearing a belt? Leave your shoes with me and go into that room over there, and chill out. Don’t come back here until you can act reasonably.


The Thing. The Thing! The Thing lives in my head and tortures me, and they don’t believe me. What is it they say? “I believe you believe The Thing is real” well, doctor, that’s not good enough The Thing is real! The Thing is real! What “Thing”? you ask. So you don’t really believe. You don’t even know because you’re not really listening. Listen to me, listen to me! You’re not listening! You don’t believe me! You don’t take me seriously! You think I’m playing games and I’m not! The Thing is real! Holding onto the pillow, scream scream again, the pillow stuffed onto my face, scream, scream into the pillow, scream, scream scream scream saliva everywhere scream scream


Julie wake up.


Huh?


We just heard from Dr. B. Here are his instructions to you:


Wait a minute


Here are his instructions–


Hold on! Isn’t Dr. B going to come meet with me like he said?


I don’t recall he promised anything.


Where is Dr. B. I want to talk to my own doctor.


Here are his instructions–


He said


No, this is what he said. You are to 1. return to your program. 2. stay safe. 3. meet with him tomorrow at 3. Will you repeat that back to me?


….


All right, I won’t treat you like a child. Why don’t you go wash your face, here are your shoes, and we’ll let you go.


When can I talk to Dr. B?


We have given you his instructions. If you’d listen in the first place–


Listen? Listen? I have an Evil Being in my head and you’re telling me it doesn’t exist, and


It has nothing to do with that.


It has everything to do with The Thing.


Get out of here. Just get out. Wash your face, put your shoes on, and I don’t want to see you back here, understand?


[this continues……..]

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