The good news about depression

I’m never sure what to title these things. I don’t want to attract the wrong type of search engine attention. Either way, is depression EVER good news?

I didn’t want to admit how depressed I felt, certainly not online here. But I did, after getting bullied in December, fired in January, then, getting scammed in February. I think that would depress anyone. The only thing getting me out of bed was that if I didn’t, Puzzle would go to the bathroom on the floor. I almost always got her out in time, because she is an excellent nagger. God bless our doggies when we are depressed, they know exactly how to get us out of bed!

Telling myself, reassuring myself over and over that this is situational wasn’t too reassuring. I still felt like dog poop.

I blamed others for what was my own fault, and blamed myself for things I wasn’t responsible for.  The blame cycle, which is a total waste of time and makes  you more depressed.

I jumped way too fast into life coaching, thinking it would be a great way to get out of poverty. I should have investigated it more first. And that is my own fault. I made the commitment too soon. Fact is, I felt pressured to jump into it right away because of my age. I feel like I have so little time left.

It was not a total waste, of course. The school was partially responsible because it made promises it couldn’t keep. It DID promise an instant career. Now this did not take into account that you might be me, a person with an empty resume, no marketing experience under my belt, no workplace where I have an office where I can network, and I am new in town in an impoverished community where no one can afford coaching and I do not drive. I did talk to them and they  did promise an instant career. I think this was somewhat deceptive.

Of course I should have seen through this empty promise, though.  Did I really think I was going to get an instant career like they promised? Isn’t that overblown? I should have known. I lost money on the deal. They say the school pays for itself BUT that’s an average. I am not the only one that lost.

So I am responsible for believing the empty promises the school made, but the school is responsible for making them.

I got out of the business very quickly as soon as I realized I made a stupid mistake. I am now realizing that more and more people are enticed into the “help” industry these days. And what happens?

What is the Help Industry? It has its various components and of course they range in level of corruption. We have the medical industry, much of which is highly corrupt, of course. It goes without saying.

You may have heard about the recent corruption in the massage parlor industry which turn out to be sex parlors in disguise as massage parlors…are we surprised? Even some around here.

The therapy industry is full of hocus-pocus methods that are unprovable and if you claim your therapist’s methods are bogus, you’ll be called nuts immediately.

I read in the news about a few “drug rehabs” run by drug dealers. They got caught. This happened recently. Small wonders of the universe! When you think of it, dealing drugs that way would pull in quite the profit.

Just about every vendor of “skin care products” is selling from some pyramid marketing scheme company. Just buy coconut oil from the supermarket and do not be enticed by these scammers. And no, it will not reverse your age. Nothing will roll back time unless the Time Tunnel was actually real.

Do you remember the very first episode of that show? The heroes ended up on the Titanic and tried to tell everyone on the ship that it was going to sink. It didn’t work! They were rescued out of that time period just in time.

You can be time-tunneled into a nuthouse and try to warn all the MP’s (mental patients) that psych “treatment” shortens your life, but that will do no good. It will not work. And you might end up in restraints for trying. “Beam me up, Scottie, I’m outa here!” (okay, that was another show…)

Today I realized just how much better I feel. I do not feel depressed anymore. Let’s just say I feel LESS DEPRESSED. Which is the good news. Not a lot less, but enough better to know it’s coming to an end.

What helped? Herbal remedies, which I used as soon as I realized I was fucking depressed. HUMOR, HUMOR, Humor……I went running today…Lots of exercise as soon as my foot got better. I didn’t stop writing since I love to write and it is active for the mind as opposed to watching movies. Hugging Puzzle a lot. Hmmm What else…….

I did not give up. But I did give up certain things that I realized were not working. I did not put in certain job applications which I knew were leading to more dead ends and disappointment. However, I am concentrating more on Toastmasters and the upcoming speech contest. I am also working on a job interview coming up. And it’s a not a shit job. I’m investing a lot into this.

I am trying very hard not to count on other people having faith in me, since the norm for MP’s is to have very low expectations of us. So I should not count on anything from anyone. Except myself.

I have demanded that others have faith in me, but why? Why should anyone? Maybe this is asking too much when the fact is, I have a lot of faith in myself already. This should be enough. When I ask for others to have the same faith, it is likely unreasonable. I can’t control others. I cannot stop people from having low MP-type expectations and sadly, that very well may be one of those things I have to let go.

My parents did, in fact, believe in me, and maybe that amazing memory of my dad telling me I would make it, and his and my mom’s unwavering faith in me is enough. I can remember this, cherish this very positive memory of them both, and it is a good thing I can.

Cayenne: Natural speed!

Cayenne is one of the most powerful herbs out there. My naturopath says it is an essential medicine that you should keep around at all times. Why? He says it will stop a heart attack! He says it will save you a 911 call even. He says also, it will stop a nosebleed. I tried it last time I had a nosebleed and yes, it worked!

Cayenne will also lift your mood instantly. It increases circulation and increases body temperature. It will increase circulation to your extremities. It will even make you feel “tingly.”

Cayenne will dilate your surface blood vessels, so eventually, you will feel cooler because opening those blood vessels will create sweating, cooling you off, even though initially, you will feel warmer. Dosing cayenne through experimentation, you can use it to reduce hot flashes, or, to warm yourself in winter. You can use it to lift a deep depression, or, to relax yourself before bed, all using this heating/cooling principle.

Thinking about this idea, add it to your Thinking Cap repertoire. This very idea, the heating and cooling idea, which got me thinking about many basic common sense ideas, helped me to end my eating disorder.

Behavioral science is in the business of asking the simplest of questions, making these far more complicated than necessary, devising experiments and applying for thousands of dollars in government grants to carry these out (taxpayer money), then, torturing laboratory animals for months, killing most of them, only to “discover” the answer….the answer as it applies to lab rats.  Results are inconclusive, they say. I laugh because if we have been using our noggins, we have known the answers to these questions, and more, all along.

Use your Thinking Cap. You will be surprised how useful it is, how clever you can be when you need to be. You will find you can solve many puzzles all on your own, and as you continue to do so, you will find these challenges become not only easier, but more fun.

MIA keeps rejecting my articles, claiming they are “too basic.” Too basic? Basic is the object.  Too much complexity spoils the broth, I say. Too much complexity is exactly what made psychiatry out itself as a quack science. Hey, doc, this is the ass. This is the elbow.  Did it really need to go any further?

Should I use Linux? Pros and Cons

I have used Linux now almost exclusively since October 2016. Here is my honest opinion.

If you are dropping in out of nowhere, here is some background information. I am 60 years old and female. My technical knowledge and ability is much higher than that of my peers, as is my intelligence, which I find embarrassing to admit. I have never taken a computer class, so there are gaps in what I happen to have picked up over the years, for instance, some of the vocabulary I never learned. I also cannot see very well and would qualify as legally blind.

I decided to try Linux because it is overall cheaper to use. When you have a Microsoft machine you end up paying for propriety software. Linux uses what is known as Open Source programs.

What is the difference between Open Source and Freeware? Usually Freeware comes with a hitch. You may have to buy something else. Or you get it free for a few days, then you have to buy the full version or you are cut off. Often it is deceptively marketed as “free” but really, it’s a “trial” version. Sadly, some of this stuff even comes with toolbars and adware you can’t get rid of!

Linux does not come with worries about adware. You don’t install software the same way with Linux. If you want to install Windows programs, there’s something called Wine which enables you to install some windows programs and not others. Most developers, if asked if their program with work with Linux, will tell you, “Maybe. Try it and see.”

I found that Scrivener does work with Linux. For the purpose of writing only, Linux works great. You cannot get Microsoft products to work with Linux, but writers of longer documents will be pleased that Scrivener functions just fine.

The fonts, as far as I am concerned, are not as smooth-looking as the Microsoft fonts. This may be a concern for people who generate a lot of text, who spend long hours writing, or who read and write a lot. Just sayin’.

Booting up is very fast, even now after I have had this computer a year and a half. The machine itself likely dates back to 2005 or so, and yet it runs great. I have an old laptop that runs Win98 and I am thinking of putting Linux into it and seeing what happens.

Compatibility with peripherals sucks bad bad bad, to the extent that I have wasted entire days trying to get them to work, to no avail. My printer was incompatible until I replaced Linux Mint Rebecca with Linux Mint Serena.  Now the scan function is incompatible. The headset jack works only as a earphone, not as a microphone, and this is a universal headache for Linux users. Also problematic is getting webcam capture software to function, though drivers are not a problem. Trying to edit videos is also glitchy because they appear upside-down as soon as you add them and try to edit, with no way to flip them over.

The best forum to lurk on to find answers to these headaches is GitHub. LURK ONLY. Don’t even bother to ask a question because the folks on there tend to be rude as soon as you ask them to clarify.

I have finally decided it isn’t worth it anymore. I’m tired of telling people “I’m sorry, I have Linux and your site does not work with my browser.” I’m tired of using Linux as an excuse. It is not worth saving a few pennies and spending hours and hours and days and days and tearing my hair out trying to get things to work. And almost always, giving up!

I found a computer on sale (mini desktop) that runs Win10 and ordered it so that I will “qualify” for an online job I’m applying for.

It IS cool being able to install an OS yourself into an old computer. It’s so much fun reviving an ancient, tired machine you thought was of no use anymore. That aspect of Linux is the coolest thing since man invented gunpowder and heroin. Well…likely better than all that, eh?


Reads like a great detective story

You guys will love this great reporting by the Post Gazette:

Lies, false charges and jail

The point is…Why did they put a guy in jail, and even probation, before they knew he had done anything wrong? Check out the commentary at the end of the article here. Is this yet one more tragic failure of our justice system?

What Puzzle Taught Me

It was late 2006, December. Back then I was using Verizon DSL, which was relatively new and oh so much better than Dial-up. Skype was the latest new thing.  The internet was crude then compared to now. I realize it was over a decade ago. I was living outside of Boston. I was a mental patient.

I did have friends, but all different friends, different ones than I have now. I was in college but taking time off because of the “side effects” of psych drugs. I was browsing the Web when I came across an ad for Schnoodles not far from where I lived. Schnoodle puppies. They were ready to come visit and the litter was large. One was chosen already. Males and females were available, the ad said.

I remember the day I went to see the puppies (with no intention of getting one, of course, just to “look”). Of course, I am very happy I did this. Changing my mind and getting Puzzle was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you have been around my blog a while, you recall what made me decide on Puzzle. But I will retell the story for those that were not around back then. I stayed a long time and watched the puppies play among themselves. I was holding one of them and playing with her. These puppies were so tiny you could hold one in one hand.

As I was holding one puppy, the mom dog came in. Mom had MILK!! All the puppies ran toward her because they were hungry. One tiny puppy, totally driven by instinct, crawled on top of all the other puppies so she could get to the milk first.

I wanted THAT ONE. That puppy was Puzzle.

You can go on YouTube and listen to marketing gurus and they’ll all tell you about the same message. Crawl on top of everyone else to get the goodies. Squash others, rip off other people to get to the top. Marketing classes, even college-level ones, suggest using cutthroat tactics to get to the top. “Beat your competitors!”

Gurus often suggest that we do not bother with “losers.” That we purge ourselves of “toxic” people. That we do not speak to them and get secretaries or apps for our phones so we do not have to speak to anyone that doesn’t benefit us.

I even saw a guru suggest that every waking hour should be spent on getting to the top.

Now I know why snobs refuse to give me the time of day. They are wasting their time with me, as they see it. I’m not cash in their pockets so why should they bother?

If this is the attitude, then I do not want any part of that life. I turn those YouTubes off right away! I do give out my phone number and I will talk to anyone.  I am not a snob and I don’t think being one is right.

If that’s how the definition of “making it in life” then somehow, I have been swayed by social media to believe in a different “making it in life.” I have been swayed over the past ten years or so to believe that “likes” means you’re great. I was not always like this. I think this was due to my joining Facebook in 2009.  I do not recall thinking like this prior to joining Facebook. Pre-Facebook there wasn’t a social media platform that had “likes” nor one that made it obvious who was the most popular and who was disliked. Facebook does this brilliantly, making some of us feel horrible and rubbing it in.

My friend talked me into it, telling me how handy Facebook was. Oddly she didn’t want to stay in phone contact after that. We used to talk all the time. I lost many of my friends via Facebook. Joining was a mistake.

How do I change my mindset? I have deleted my Facebook account. I am trying to get off those guru mailing lists that tell you to market yourself like mad and get more “likes” and in the process, step on others, just like Puzzle had to step on other puppies to get the milk.

It’s like a see-saw. It is not possible for one end to go up without the other end going down.

Back in December, when I was bullied by my coaching classmates, part of the reason was that I defied their moneymaking schemes and said I would like to offer it for free. This concept infuriated them.

Besides ending Farcebook, what else can I do to end this way of thinking? I have been swayed by Facebook’s definition of success and  I don’t like that.  I do not want to think this way anymore.